


drunk on this pain

by softccore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softccore/pseuds/softccore
Summary: Post divorce Steve and Tony, inspired by My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	drunk on this pain

"Is he here?"

Was the first thing Tony asked when he entered the room. He wasn't sure what answer he was looking for. He didn't want to be around him these days, that was no secret. He also missed his blue eyes and golden hair.

"He'll be here in a minute."

Tony laughed, a bitter thing. "This is gonna go well."

"Tony, don't make a scene." Natasha's voice echoed in the large room. 

"When do I ever make a scene?" he asked, but everyone including him knew he almost always made a scene. Sometimes because he truly got angry, sometimes because he was desperate to seem anything else, but hurt.

Truth is Tony couldn't even try not to lose his cool. Whenever he saw his ex husband he felt his heart race. from anger, regret, longing, he couldn't tell. Couldn't stop it either. He still had this effect on him, always would.

Steve was, unaffected, to say the least, by the divorce. In fact he seemed to be doing great, Tony even heard he went on a date once. At first Tony thought Steve was putting up a front, but he realized he probably didn't know his husband anymore. If he ever knew him at all, that is. Because Steve seemed happy, genuinely happy and whether he admitted it or not, that killed Tony.

"You always make a scene, Tony"

Tony turned his head and once again, he was stunned. Steve was always beautiful to him. He was beautiful before he showered in the morning, after a long mission, during a terrible nightmare at three in the morning. He was beautiful the day he signed the divorce papers too. 

His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling, god damn him. Even after everything, Steve was polite, kind. He even made jokes. He had moved on. Tony couldn't understand why he couldn't do the same. That made him angry at himself, and thus angry at everybody else.

Once he realised he was starring, he turned his head to Natasha.  
"Good, he's here, let's get this over with."

-

"Well, that went well." 

Steve was standing at the door. He raised his head to meet Tony's eyes. He stayed silent. 

"You look great, by the way. Love the new look, the beard and all. I've never seen you with one before"

God he was rambling. 

"Thanks, Tony. You look good too."

Tony had always had a soft spot for the way Steve said his name. Like it meant the world to him. Clearly, it didn't anymore. It felt like a lifetime ago, when Steve said his name and he said it lovingly. 

"You wanna get some coffee?" He hadn't meant to say that. "Or grab a bite. God, i'm starving. There's a new place around the corner, has vanilla muffins too." Or maybe he did.

Steve looked torn between saying yes and no. Tony caught a glimpse of, regret in his eyes? Maybe not, it was too fast to know. Probably not, but Tony hoped it was all the same. Truth is they both knew they shouldn't, Steve would probably say so even.

"I love vanilla muffins" is what he said instead. He smiled, letting his head fall down. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. If Tony noticed, he didn't say something. "But you knew that"

"Is that a yes?" 

Steve shouldn't say yes. He probably wouldn't. A part of Tony even hoped he wouldn't, not because he didn't want it, but because he wanted it too much. Tony counted on Steve's self restraint because he had none. 

"I'm having lunch with Sam."

"Oh."

"Maybe another time." 

There wouldn't be another time. Steve still had some of his dignity left, and he wouldn't give it up the selfish bastard. Tony had none when it came to Steve, that had been pretty obvious. 

"Of course" he smiled, trying to hide his disappointment. He was stupid to be wishing he would stay. "Say hi to Sam for me, will you?"

"Will do. Take care, Tony" 

And with that he walked out the door. 

After the divorce, Steve was dead to Tony. Or at least that's what Tony told himself. And yet, he was always at the wake. For a call, a text, a smile that meant more than it showed, a touch that promised something like before. He would love Steve until his dying day. He knew that. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work so it's far from perfect. felt like sharing it though because why not. i wrote this mostly based on how tony would think. if steve is indeed over him or not, i leave it to your imagination and interpretation.  
> find me on instagram @sapphirq


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